Incomplete Love

Incomplete Love

It was a computer class and all I could do was just look at her straight beautiful hair. My mind was out of class, just in her imagination. Her eyes, her looks and her beautiful glowing face which was just “wow!”. Her eyes were very hypnotizing just like the flowing river, her hair was as long as that of Rapunzel’s and she got a body just like Miss World, I loved her.

I was not able to concentrate on my studies and I was just mesmerized by her face just like any princess. I used to be lost in her beauty, her dress which was similar to others but she was different, she was very special to me. I always imagined my and her’s love story. As the day went by my love, emotions, and care for her were growing. I was so into her and used to get lost for which the teachers used to scold me. Despite the scoldings, my love for her was increasing. The days become happier to me when I saw her face. Every time she went far from me, I used to be very sad and my soul would be unhappy. She brightened my heart.

Picture Source: Vector Stock
When she flirted with other boys, I felt extremely jealous. When someone touched her my mind would be out of my control. Some times she also used to throw me her killer smile which was awesome.

Days went by and we used to talk, walk, eat, read-write and sit together. She started opening up with me. I had no idea, what was happening to me. It became too much and I shared with a teacher who I had a very friendly bond with. She said, “It’s a normal thing which can happen  to any girl.” 
“Oh! but why is my interest and love is growing day by day towards her?”I asked her.
“You are a lesbian.” 
I was in shock. She explained fully and clearly about what being a lesbian is like. “Feeling of love and care towards her, it’s a sign of being in love.” I felt like I fell from a tall building.

We used to chat all day and night. We asked each other about our day despite meeting in school every day. She used to bring chocolates for me and in return, I used to give her gifts.

Sometimes I remember my teacher's saying and I used to talk to myself, “Am I having wrong feelings for her, aren't I a normal girl?" but again I used to think love is love. After all, I can't control my feelings.

Picture Source: New Now Next
One day, while chatting like always, she confessed her feelings towards me. It turned out that she loved me too. I was in shock. I also confessed my love to her. And it was her turn to be in shock. It was the best day of my life. We became more close to the day.

We both went and shared our feelings with the teacher. Our teacher had a positive impact on us. We were happy that our teacher accepted our love. She said, " I accept you guys but I cannot take the decision which your parents would take. But I am very happy for you people. But I suggest you share this with your parents.”

My face used to brighten up just looking at her smile. She also used to be very excited to meet me.

Time passed, we were together for 3 years now. To celebrate our 3 years of togetherness we were decorating it with candles, flowers, balloons as well as red roses. That was our date. We celebrated the day just by talking and being together.

We spent a lot of time talking together. We both wanted to get married so we decided to confess our love to our parents.

After a few days, I asked my parents to take out some time for me. "Please listen to me carefully as this subject matter is very important."
"Yes dear, you can share anything with us," said my parents. 
Picture Source: The Advocate
"I am attracted to someone." 
"Please make it clear, love," my mother said.
"We have been together for almost 3 years now. We love each other very much and care for each other. I have never been this happy before. I want to spend my whole life with the love of my life. So today I want to talk to about my marriage." I confessed everything. 
"We want to meet your love, so let's fix a meeting with him and then we'll talk about your marriage. Is that okay?"
"Him!? What are you saying? I am in love with a girl. All these things I said are for a girl, not a boy." I said.
My parents got shocked. "Huh!!! What rubbish are you talking about? Have you gone mad? How did you take this step?" my parents started scolding me. 
" Please let's discuss this in quite," I tried to calm my parents. “It's normal and it's not our fault. I cannot control my feelings. It is not a disease to act in such a way. We are attracted to each other and love each other very much. Please understand us!" 

"It's a shame for you, us and our prestige. Never in a million years can we accept this. What will the others say?" My parents said. Then I was sent to my room. I could think of any better idea. My parents didn't support me.

After some time, everyone knew about us. Everything went back to normal and thought I could marry my love until one day I got to know that my marriage was fixed with a guy. At last, I had to marry the guy against my feelings.

Written By: Ankita Ramtel (Katha Bunaun-VI)
Facilitators: Vinayshree Kothari, Garima Hissaria
Edited By: Diya Barun Shrestha

Ankita is a student from Himalaya Boarding School, Budhanilkantha. She wrote this story as a final story for Katha Bunaun Program organized by Canopy Nepal in association with Wide Open Vistas.

Vinayshree and Garima are the amazing tutor duo, who have successfully conducted sessions for all three programs- EIC, Katha Bunaun and Lekhaun in different schools of Kathmandu. Alongside, they are also undertaking their undergraduate degree in Ace Institute of Management.

Diya Barun Shrestha is an intern at Canopy Nepal and is a first year student at St. Xaviers College, Maitighar.

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